Perhaps you are experiencing times when your drunken loved one is yelling and cursing at you - really trying to create a big argument with you, maybe even becoming violent.
What is THAT all about???
What we have learned is that really, the drinker is horribly angry at THEMSELVES.
For giving in to drink, or for feeling so bad, or maybe feeling a lot of guilt.
Often this results in an outburst at YOU, for no apparent reason. You may be cursed, belittled, sworn at, ridiculed: anything that could make you mad and create an argument.
THEN your drinker can blame YOU for causing the argument and make him or her self feel a little better: "after all, it was you arguing that made them pick up a drink, wasn't it?"
This is the warped thinking that goes on when your loved one is in the grip of alcohol - no sense at all. Logic goes out the window. This is what happens.
So what can we do?
First rule is:
Do not argue back. Find something to do that takes you away from the yelling or cursing. Do not give them a reason to blame YOU.
Next:
Protect yourself and children if you have to : take shelter somewhere else, leave the house in bad situations, call the Police if it's serious. We do NOT have to put up with unacceptable behavior.
And:
Be aware that when it's all over, your drinker will most likely not remember a single thing about the incident. As if it never happened.
So don't beat on them when they are sober: they will think you ARE picking on them. Try to have some compassion for a human being whose mind is being wrecked by an insidious disease, alcoholism.
Try to have some compassion.
Finally,
Think about reaching out for some help, as I did.
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