A DIFFERENT APPROACH

So now we can look at adopting a DIFFERENT  ATTITUDE towards the drinker.  These actions  may seem strange at first because they go against our natural instincts - but these things work!

By attending Al-Anon family group meetings, I learned that:

WE ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL

WE NEED TO TRY A DIFFERENT APPROACH

So here is the Al-Anon approach which worked for me and thousands of others like us -you take the pressure off the drinker

• ACCEPT THAT YOU HAVE A REAL PROBLEM - if you are denying that you are in trouble, then stop and accept - the sooner you accept reality the sooner you can move ahead.
• STOP ALL ARGUING OR FIGHTING - hard to do at first (you are angry!) but this is very effective.
• arguing with them gives them a reason to keep drinking!
• If you STOP, then you cannot be blamed for the drinking!
• TRY TO DETACH FROM THE DRINKING - (but NOT the drinker) - this means NOT getting emotionally involved and arguing or fighting back when faced with a drunk partner.
• try instead to not get angry with the drinker - he/she is really a sick person
• don't get drawn into arguments
• find something else to occupy your mind - do something with your hands if possible, take your mind off the drinker.
• TRY TO FEEL SOME COMPASSION - your drinker is very sick and deeply unhappy.
• try to think of your drinker as being sick - alcohol abuse can be a disease of the mind*
• try to treat your partner with kindness and respect for a change
• try to make the sober times GOOD times - start giving a reason to be sober.

* If you want to learn what the respected Mayo Clinic says about alcohol abuse as a disease, then go to Alcoholism as a Disease.

 I know it will not be easy to change your ways - but TRY this approach - it works for thousands of us and if you try it out, it will help you.

When you are ready, you can go to the next page: "Changing our Attitudes"