WHAT CAN I DO ?

This is a common question we ask ourselves: "What on earth can I do to stop them drinking / how do I cope with this / how can I make my life better?"

First - about stopping the drinking.
Long experience has taught us that we can do NOTHING to stop the drinking - we may manage to stop them for a short time by hiding/destroying the alcohol, but it won't last. WE ARE POWERLESS AGAINST ALCOHOL.
So we might as well forget trying to stop the drinking and relax a bit: the drinking is out of OUR control.

Next: about coping or making our life better.
If we stop trying to prevent the drinker from doing the most important thing on their mind, ie. getting the next drink, then we can think about OURSELVES.

Again, long experience has shown that the best thing to do now is to LOOK AFTER OURSELVES!

Does that mean letting the drinker do what they like?  YES. We are powerless anyway, we can LET GO.
Our drinker is gripped by a powerful mental illness - alcoholism - and it will take them time and effort to break free.

Note: The World Health Organisation classifies alcoholism as a disease; worldwide in scope.

So we can now turn to thinking about US. What will make OUR life better while the drinker carries on?

Do we like to go to the movies? Linger in the bath? Read good books? Visit friends? Go for walks? Enjoy a beer or wine if we feel like it (it will make no difference if WE drink or not). Get a haircut or perm.?

These are the things we now can do for ourselves: our life does not have to be thrown on the scrapheap because our loved one drinks.

AND - have regular meals. Sleep well (we may have to sleep in a separate bed or move the drinker to a separate bed). Do NOT take part in arguments. Turn away if we are abused by the drinker. Think about our appearance once more. Contact friends once more. Come out of hiding.

And remember: you are NOT alone, just walking down a path many of us have done too.
 I hope you find this information useful, as well as the HELP PAGES over on the right.

WHEN WILL THE DRINKING STOP ??

This is something we often ask ourselves :

 "HOW LONG HAVE I GOT TO WAIT UNTIL THE DRINKING STOPS??

We desperately want out life to get back to "normal" (or what we think is normal for us) and not affected by our loved one's drinking.  How long will it take for him/her to stop drinking??????????

The answer is :  No-one can possibly know.  Your loved one does not know.  The best doctor will not know.  And YOU, unfortunately, can do NOTHING about it.

This is not what we want to hear, is it?

But this is the reality we face, we who live with and love an alcohol abuser. There is no answer to the question of "How long?"

This is the reality of our situation: we have to accept that our drinker will continue drinking, unless something changes their mind. 

Oh thank God, there is something - what will change their mind?

Unfortunately again, no-one can know. But we HOPE that one day, if we are patient and continue to love our affected loved one, they will find that magic and elusive reason to stop drinking.

In the meantime, all we can do is:

• Accept that we have to live with alcohol abuse for the time being
• Hope that one day our ddrinker may find a reason to stop drinking
• Continue to love them and remember that they are suffering from a disease, a cunning and baffling disease of the mind
• Have compassion for our affected loved one
• Start to think about looking after OURSELVES

To start YOU thinking about looking after YOURSELF, have a look at the HELP PAGES over on the right - there you will find ways to get help for yourself.

Again, remember that your loved one is not evil, they are just affected by a serious disease of the mind.

ACCEPTANCE

One of the ways we, who live with an active alcohol abuser, torture ourselves is to keep wishing or pretending that this was all not happening to us.

What this does is it keeps us always feeling hard done by, victimised, shameful or even responsible.

We never can feel good about our life or even ourselves because we keep wishing things were different.

The way out of this trap and towards some inner peace, or serenity, is to ACCEPT  WHAT  IS.

We have to ACCEPT that we are in love with an alcohol abuser. He or she will not stop just because we love them.  They are in the grip of a terrible and sinister mental disease.

When we DO ACCEPT the reality, we are then able to think about what to do for our well being.

My journey, and many others in similar situations, can be followed in the HELP PAGES over on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you will learn something that will help you there.

WILL 2013 BE BETTER ??

Firstly I wish you Peace, Harmony, Energy and Wisdom for the New Year of 2013.

Will things be better at home this year? We hope so!

But alcoholism is not affected by calendars and things may continue on as they have been. The drinking may continue, probably will. So do not be disappointed.

What should our attitudes be?

•  ACCEPTANCE : we have a loved one affected by alcohol. That is not going to change quickly. Frustration, which we all feel at times, does not help.  Accepting our lot as loving an active alcohol abuser will help avoid frustration.
  
• UNDERSTANDING : that our loved one is controlled by alcohol and that their brain is ruled by that substance. It is a disease of the mind, at present beyond their control. But it can change with time.
  
• HOPE : that if we keep cool and accept the above attitudes and try to apply them to our lives, that one day our loved one may find reason to stop drinking.

The trio above would be a good start for the New Year. Not easy, but worth striving for.

For as you will see, a change in OUR attitudes can actually help the drinker begin to face their own truth.

I recommend you look through the HELP PAGES for more information that will help YOU.

Don't give up hope.