TRYING TO CONTROL THE DRINKING

One of the natural things we do, when faced with the shock of our loved one's out-of-control drinking, is to try and control it - to STOP it happening.

We probably take the alcohol and pour it down the sink.

It will be replaced, but hidden. So we go looking for it and when we find it, we pour it down the sink.

It will be replaced and hidden in a very secret place. We may spend hours looking for it, but not find it. And the drinking continues.

We may take credit cards or cash away from the drinker so they CAN'T buy any alcohol.

But the drinking continues - somehow the booze gets bought. And drunk.

All of this will drive us nuts if we continue.

Here we have to learn, as I did, that we are POWERLESS over alcohol.  Alcohol affects the drinker's brain so much after a while that getting a drink is the most important thing in the world - to the drinker.

So we have to learn a new way. If we can't control the drinking - WE HAVE TO ACCEPT IT.

This means adopting a DIFFERENT  ATTITUDE - to let the drinking continue without us trying to stop it. Sound crazy???  Well, we have learned that WE will go crazy trying to stop the drinking. We CAN'T.

The HELP pages over on the right cover what I learned - the hard way - and how I got help. Please read these.

WE ARE POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL

This is one of the first, hard things we have to learn, and accept.

That we can do NOTHING, we are POWERLESS over the strength of alcohol once it takes over someone's mind.

We who have lived with alcoholism had to all learn it the hard way: nothing we tried or did stopped our loved one drinking.  NOTHING.

We have to learn a different way of living with our loved one while they drink. That new way means:

Learning to look after ourselves while the drinker continues to drink.

By looking after ourselves, and focusing on OUR needs, we take the pressure off the drinker - they find themselves free of pressure from US, and may begin to think about their problem.

So for today think about this:

KEEP  YOUR  HANDS OFF THE  DRINKER

KEEP YOUR  MIND  OFF THE DRINKER

KEEP  YOUR  MOUTH  OFF THE DRINKER

This is the start of focusing on yourself.

DENIAL

When we first realise, with our stomach crashing to the floor, that we have a REAL problem with our loved one - because they have obviously lost control of their drinking - often we DO NOT WANT TO FACE IT.

We may try every justification to avoid the truth: in my case I convinced myself that my wife was depressed, and that if I could help her get to the bottom of what was worrying her, well, then she would stop drinking, wouldn't she?

WRONG.

I was just in DENIAL that we had a serious problem.  I could NOT admit the shame and helplessness that admitting defeat would bring. I tried not to see the reality.  I was in DENIAL.

Problem is, as long as we do not accept the truth and reality of our situation, we don't seek help.

And so we just plough along, doing what we've always done, so we get what we always got.

Meanwhile our beloved drinker steadily gets more and more under the control of alcohol.  The drinking get worse and bad things start to happen.

One of the most important steps we can take is to ADMIT  WE  HAVE  A  PROBLEM - with alcohol abuse, in our family.