SO IF THERE IS ALCOHOL ABUSE, WHAT DO I DO??

What do you do when your loved one has obviously lost control of his/her drinking?

Usually, confronting them with the accusation of drinking too much will be met with full on denial, with perhaps something flung back at you.

What usually happens is a long series of heated arguments about the drinking problem, and all the time the drinking will continue or even get worse.

You can try all the arguments you like to try to "bring your loved one to their senses", but all you will get is arguments back at you.

You can try these arguments if you like, none of them will stop the drinking:

• If you loved me you would stop drinking!
• You are ruining our lives by your drinking!
• I can't talk to you anymore!
• What's happening to us?
• Why do you drink so much?
• I hate it when you drink, please STOP!
• Can't you see what you are doing to US?

None of this will change the drinking.  But there must be SOMETHING I can do?

There is.  BREAK  THE CYCLE  OF  ARGUMENTS

1. REALISE  THAT  YOU  CANNOT  STOP  THE  DRINKING.

2. STOP ARGUING ABOUT IT.

3. START THINKING ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GOING TO COPE WITH THE SITUATION.

IS MY LOVED ONE'S DRINKING OUT OF CONTROL?

How do you know if your loved one has lost control of his/her drinking?  When should you become concerned?  Some people can drink a lot - but they can leave it - they can stop. Maybe they drink too much by your standards, but they may just be heavy drinkers.

You can begin to suspect that your loved one has 'lost control' of drinking if:

• You notice that he/she is drinking alone, or during the day, or at some inappropriate time.
  It may come as a shock to suddenly realise that your loved one seems to be drinking most of the time, whether you are present or not. They always seem to have a drink in their hand. Maybe you find them drunk just before Aunt Mary comes for dinner. They may be asleep a lot during the day, and maybe up all night when you are trying to sleep.
• You notice that they cannot have just one drink.
  Being unable to just enjoy one drink and always having more could be a sign that alcohol is taking over their lives. The first drink leads to many, maybe turning into a binge.
  
• Their drinking may become secretive.
  You may find that you don't actually SEE them drinking any more - but you notice the smell of alcohol is often on their breath, or you may find empty bottles or cans in the garbage bin. You may stumble across some alcohol stashed away somewhere.
  
• Their normal behaviour changes.
  If you live with someone for a time, you will know their 'normal' behaviour toward you. If you find them acting differently - moody, argumentative, boisterous, violent, sulky, withdrawn, losing interest in daily matters, taking days off from work - then maybe their alcohol abuse is behind the changed behaviour.

In short, if they would seem to want to drink rather than do anything else, then you should be concerned - alcohol is taking over control of their lives.  You have a problem drinker.