CAN I DO ANYTHING TO STOP THE DRINKING?

When we are living with an alcohol abuser we usually try to stop them drinking.

But after we try everything we can think of, the drinking goes on and we get more and more frustrated.

We often end up thinking (we usually cannot discuss our problem with anyone) : Isn't there ANYTHING I can do?????

Nothing seems to work, arguments start as we try to gain some control at home - but, nothing works.

This is what I faced, and thousands of others in your situation too - but - there is HOPE.

In the "Help Pages" on the right, I have set out my experience of finding help and what you can do.

I encourage you to start reading the first page: "Living with an Alcohol Abuser" and read on from there, and find some hope in your life.

There is HOPE!

WON'T THEY STOP IF THEY LOVE ME?

If you are living with an active alcohol abuser, have you wondered: If the drinker really loves me, why doesn't he/she just STOP?  Or maybe: Doesn't the drinker KNOW what damage they are causing to me and our relationship?  Or even:  How can they love me and still inflict all this grief and shame?

We who have lived with an active alcohol abuser have all asked these questions when we were being hurt day in, day out by the drinker's behaviour.

Later on as we learn about how alcohol progressively takes charge of the drinker's mind, we realise several things:

• alcohol is a strong drug and can cause changes in some people's minds
• it is classified as a serious health problem by the World Health Organisation
• the drinker's only thought can become: "How do I get the next drink?" and nothing else matters
• sometimes the drinker could not stop drinking, without help, even if they wanted to.

In fact the alcohol abuser can become totally oblivious to anyone or anything else, being totally focused on the need to keep drinking.  They are then controlled by the alcohol, and will do anything to get a drink.

This is why they may say, in sober moments, that they love us dearly, and really mean it, but once the first drink is picked up, then we fade into the background once more.

So it's not that they HATE us or are trying to PUNISH us, it's simply that their mind is consumed with finding the next drink.  They become different people when drunk.

So in fact, we can see that they are really sick people, and as such need our sympathy, even though that may be hard to do.  Alcoholism is believed by many authorities, eg. The Mayo Clinic, to be a disease of the mind, so really we should look with empathy upon the drinker just as if they had say, cancer.

So to help you find some answers to this situation, the main purpose of this blog is to present the "HELP PAGES" on the right, as they will show how I was able to get help and find my way to a better life.

THIS BLOG IS ABOUT HELP!

Living with an active alcohol abuser is really hell, as I know only too well.  Our lives are thrown into turmoil by the actions of the drinker.

Having lived through this and found some help that really worked, I want to help you too. 

The main purpose of this blog is to present the "Help Pages" on the right - they cover my step by step experience in getting help and I hope the information there will lead you to get help also.

I will also continue to post to this blog and talk about the many aspects of living with an alcohol abuser.

On my previous posting I covered just how I found myself facing the reality of living with an active alcoholic and my early days in that situation.

But when you feel you really want some help, I would direct you to start reading those "Help Pages" - that's where you will learn something useful.

GROPING MY WAY TO HELP

If you are living with someone who is drunk most of the time, and you are looking for help, this blog is for YOU!  Because  I have been there too!  And I found a way to get help, as you can.

How did my story start?  Well when my partner was an active alcohol abuser I finally realised that we had a REAL problem only after my friends started to say things like: "Did you know your partner really has a drinking problem?" 
Up to that time I was convinced that she was suffering from depression and the drinking was just to make her feel better.  I had tried to analyse, reason, argue with logic, sympathise and generally look after her while she was drunk.

After our friends' remarks to me, I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I realised: "Oh my God, she is in trouble with alcohol - she really cannot stop drinking!  My God, what do I do????"

• I went to my doctor: he told me to get out of the relationship!  Well I was not ready for that!  No help there!
• I went to the local Library and looked at the "Self-Help" section.  I found a book entitled "So you love an Alcoholic" and after a quick look, decided to buy it.  But upon reading it, I found it very difficult to understand. That did not work either.

 I was on my own, or so I thought. So I did what most of us do in this situation -

• I began to hide the booze (but she found it!)
• I poured booze (good wines too!) down the sink (but she bought cheap wine instead!)
• I began to argue with her and felt angry and demanded that she stop drinking! (but she kept on, in fact got worse!)

What happened next?  She began to drink in secret - and continued.  Meanwhile I got madder and madder, and more and more worried that our family or neighbours would find out our dreadful secret - we had  a drunk in the house.

Maybe you are somewhere in this position too - if you are, I know what you are going through.

I want to help - so have set up the "Help Pages" to the right - those pages tell about how I finally got help.
Have a look at the first page "Living with an alcohol abuser" and see if anything rings true for you.

Working SLOWLY through the pages will hopefully show you what you can do to make life better for all of you.

And I will keep posting to this blog and cover various aspects of living with an alcoholic.

So please let me know if you find this information useful - I am writing this for YOU!