HOW DO I STOP ARGUING ALL THE TIME?

Very often our drinker will needle us to get an argument going, try to stir us up to lose our temper.

What happens?

We usually get upset and respond by arguing back, making counter accusations, venting our anger in awful words, yelling at them because of our frustration with the situation.

Just what the drinker wants - we have now given them all the nasty things we have just said about them - and that means they now have another reason to have a drink, because :  you have hurt them - they will have yet another drink because it's your fault!

Sounds crazy, doesn't it? But that's what an irrational, alcohol-affected mind thinks like.

They try to get you to lose your temper to justify them having another drink.

And there may be another reason your sick alcoholic may try to start an argument:

Sometime the drinker feels so bad and guilty about drinking that they will try to take it out on you - in an attempt to make themselves feel better.

So what to do?

WE  DON'T  ENTER  INTO  ARGUMENTS.

When you hear the words from your loved drinker that means he or she is looking to start an argument, you can CHOOSE  to do a few things:

• Realise that an argument is coming and decide not to take part
• Just don't respond to what is flung at you - it is not coming from a rational person
• Start reciting the Serenity Prayer to yourself in your mind ( see my previous Post) as this will take your mind off what is being said
• Start doing something with your hands - anything - prepare a meal, set the table, do some sewing, weed the garden, make something, draw, knit, something manual
• Get out of the room and go somewhere else, out for a coffee, see a friend, go for a walk, leave them to it
• Do some exercise
• Don't go out and kick the dog - it's not his fault either! 
• Pretend to read something - it will help you to keep your mouth shut - it looks like you are reading but you my actually just be sitting there - doesn't matter - it gives you the appearance of not listening
• Practice some breathing exercises - a simple one is to breathe in for say 4 or 6 seconds through your nose, then breathe out slowly through pursed lips while you count 50% longer: 6 to 9 seconds. Keep doing this. It will occupy your mind and you will stop listening. There are many breathing exercises - look them up.

These are a few practical things you can do to avoid taking part in an argument. Make up your own.

The principle is that if you take part in an argument with a drunk you are giving them a reason to reach for the bottle again.