FEEL ASHAMED??

Many of us feel ashamed that we have an out-of-control drinker as a loved one, in our family. We feel that somehow it reflects on us too: a blight on the whole family.

This is quite common and a normal reaction to the horrors that we may be facing within the privacy of our home. Most of us go through this.

We may be desperately trying to hide any evidence of our loved one's alcohol abuse: from neighbors, family or friends. Or our loved one's boss even.

We are usually only partly successful in this.  Sooner or later the drunken behavior has consequences outside of the home. The word gets out.

But it really is NO REFLECTION UPON US.  We are not the drinker. We are not fully responsible for all the drinker does, no matter how we may kid ourselves. The drinker will do what they want whether we try to control the drinking or not.

For a saner way, look through the HELP PAGES over on the right.

And remember: YOU are NOT ALONE in this. WE have been there too.

ARE YOU TRYING TO STOP SOMEONE DRINKING?

Are you thinking that, by taking away the booze from someone who has lost control of their drinking of alcohol, you can stop them drinking?

Maybe you are pouring any booze you find down the sink. Maybe you are hiding any booze you find somewhere else. Maybe you are withholding money or credit card so your loved one cannot buy booze.

Most of us have tried all of these things, and guess what?

The drinking somehow continues, and usually goes underground so that its harder for you to find out.

Sooner or later we realise that the need for alcohol in your loved one is stronger than we are. We are in effect, powerless over alcohol.

Your loved one is in the grip of a powerful disease of the mind, and now, the only thing that is important to them is the next drink.

Not you, nor the kids, nor the job, nor the house, nor food, nor anything else.

Just the next drink.

So what to do?

Save yourself the angst and stop trying to remove booze. Let the person drink. Its going to happen anyway no matter what you do.

Sounds wrong, doesn't it?

To find out more about this - go to the HELP PAGES over on the right and read on about my experiences.

You are not alone!

DO YOU FEEL ALONE?

This is one of the things that happen to us when we are living with an active alcohol abuser: we feel that we are totally alone with the problem, feeling lost and bewildered.

Why?

Because usually we feel very ashamed of our situation and dare not talk about it with anyone.  Certainly not family!  Or friends! So we end up feeling isolated.

And in truth we cannot talk about it to anyone: most people will not understand !! Sometimes others think the alcohol abuser is just "weak" and should be able to stop drinking. YOU will know by now that once alcohol takes a grip of a person's mind, that it starts to control the person: no hope of stopping easily.

So you end up alone, isolated, angry, maybe feeling victimised.

You need help.

Have a look at the HELP PAGES over on the right to see how I found help.

And if you have any questions why not make a COMMENT and ask??

Start to think about getting help, and good luck.

MY PARENT IS DRINKING TOO MUCH

One of the most difficult situations to be in is that of a young person growing up with a parent who gets drunk too often.

Your whole life gets affected and you don't know what to do. Things happen like:

• Meals aren't prepared for you.  Your clothes are not washed ready for you to use.
  
• You are so ashamed that you stop bringing your friends home.
  
• You  may start not coming home until late, or stay away as much as you can.
  
• There may be arguments or fights between your parents.

All this is very hard to bear, especially if you are trying to study.

One of the first things to realise is that it is not your fault. You are not the cause of the drinking.

Your parent is in the grip of a mental disease and has lost control of his or her life. Everything else sinks into the background for them: the only thing that matters is having the next drink.

Very likely he or she loves you very much - though that may seem hard to accept - but the grip of alcohol is stronger than love at this stage.

Your parent is not a evil person: they are really sick and need help themselves. But it may take them a long time to reach out for help. Meanwhile you can learn to live despite the drinking going on.

If you have no sober parent, or grandparent that may come to look after you, you certainly should look for help. READ the HELP PAGES over on the right and find out where you can get help.

You  may have to learn to get your own meals and maybe do some washing for yourself: not such a bad thing to learn to be self reliant. Maybe your school or college counsellor may be able to tell you where to get some help in coping with the situation at home.

I FEEL LIKE A VICTIM

Feeling angry and hard done by - a victim suffering from someone else's drinking - is quite a common feeling for a while.

It just seems that you are very alone: no-one knows what you are going through, how much you have to put up with.

Most likely you cannot talk about it with anyone either - we just try to cover the mess up.

Keeping it to ourselves just makes us feel MORE like a victim.

However when we start to get help we learn that those feelings of being a victim actually feed our anger and our resentment.  We start to lose our sense of perspective, maybe get aggressive or reclusive.

None of this is helpful to us. We need to get a different view of our lives which are now affected by alcohol abuse.

We need to find some help from people who understand.

The HELP PAGES over on the right show what I found out when in your position: angry, lonely, ashamed. isolated, resentful.  We can learn to get a better life.  Reach out as I did.

You are not alone: many people are reading this blog along with you.  Have hope.