I FEEL SO ASHAMED ......

I know how it feels to be ashamed of what's going on in your home.

Ashamed about what the neighbours see or hear.

Ashamed of what the kids see or hear.

Ashamed of the awful things that happen in our home.

We all suffer this at some stage. And we try to cover it all up.  Of course we don't really succeed: people are not stupid.

So we start to isolate from friends, neighbours, our families .... because we feel so ashamed.

When I finally got to Al-Anon meetings on a regular basis, I learned that it is not ME that ought to feel ashamed. It was NOT ME doing those crazy and destructive things.

I learned too, that I did NOT CAUSE the drinking, and that I could NOT CONTROL it, nor could I CURE IT.  Only the drinker can do those things.

I MYSELF HAD NO REASON TO FEEL ASHAMED.

And in fact, by covering things up I was making it worse - BECAUSE THE DRINKER DID NOT SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS or HER ACTIONS - I made life bearable for them. They could keep drinking, because nothing was going wrong was it? I was covering it all up.

It helped to know I was not responsible for causing the drinking.

I learned to stop feeling ashamed.

I stopped covering up the mess - if something was going to happen, I let the drinker suffer it.

Nothing life threatening of course - but things like falling over dead drunk on the floor - I learned to leave her there, so she would wake up on the floor, not in our nice bed.

If shame is a problem for you, please make contact with Al-Anon - people there know about how you feel, and you will not feel so alone.

I LOVE HIM/HER - SO WHY DON'T THEY STOP DRINKING??

Ever felt this way? I know I did when my wife continued drinking despite me asking, pleading with her to stop.

Shouldn't they stop drinking because of all the damage they are doing to your relationship?  Surely they must know the hurt they are causing!

Well, NO, THEY DO NOT KNOW the damage they are doing, while they are drinking.

Despite how WE feel, THEIR MIND is being CONTROLLED by alcohol - and alcohol is far, far more powerful than any love our problem drinker may feel for us.

Most likely they DO love us! That's the sad part.

But, their mind is telling them they need a drink, most of the time.

During sober times, and often there are sober times during the drinking. they MAY realise what they are doing is hurting us and their relationship.  This can happen.

And this may make them feel very, very guilty and worthless and bad. They may hate themselves.

And the only way to stop that pain is - to have another drink. Because the drink blots everything else out from their mind and they become at peace. For a while.

So this is about the POWER OF ALCOHOL in controlling your loved one's mind.

It is a battle you cannot win.
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YOU  NEED  TO GET  HELP.

Look over the previous recent posts - I explained where I got help to survive.

Do something for YOU!