WHAT CAN I DO ?

This is a common question we ask ourselves: "What on earth can I do to stop them drinking / how do I cope with this / how can I make my life better?"

First - about stopping the drinking.
Long experience has taught us that we can do NOTHING to stop the drinking - we may manage to stop them for a short time by hiding/destroying the alcohol, but it won't last. WE ARE POWERLESS AGAINST ALCOHOL.
So we might as well forget trying to stop the drinking and relax a bit: the drinking is out of OUR control.

Next: about coping or making our life better.
If we stop trying to prevent the drinker from doing the most important thing on their mind, ie. getting the next drink, then we can think about OURSELVES.

Again, long experience has shown that the best thing to do now is to LOOK AFTER OURSELVES!

Does that mean letting the drinker do what they like?  YES. We are powerless anyway, we can LET GO.
Our drinker is gripped by a powerful mental illness - alcoholism - and it will take them time and effort to break free.

Note: The World Health Organisation classifies alcoholism as a disease; worldwide in scope.

So we can now turn to thinking about US. What will make OUR life better while the drinker carries on?

Do we like to go to the movies? Linger in the bath? Read good books? Visit friends? Go for walks? Enjoy a beer or wine if we feel like it (it will make no difference if WE drink or not). Get a haircut or perm.?

These are the things we now can do for ourselves: our life does not have to be thrown on the scrapheap because our loved one drinks.

AND - have regular meals. Sleep well (we may have to sleep in a separate bed or move the drinker to a separate bed). Do NOT take part in arguments. Turn away if we are abused by the drinker. Think about our appearance once more. Contact friends once more. Come out of hiding.

And remember: you are NOT alone, just walking down a path many of us have done too.
 I hope you find this information useful, as well as the HELP PAGES over on the right.