DENIAL

One of the hardest things to cope with is when your alcohol affected loved one absolutely DENIES that he or she has a drinking problem.  This is really hard when you are trying to have a normal life, which however is being destroyed by the actions of the drinker.
It seems we have to understand that, in THEIR mind, there IS no problem - they think they are coping and that no-one is being affected. We learn too, that when they do things when they are drunk, later on when sober they will have abosolutely no idea of what they did. This is quite normal in a drinker.
It's not normal for US, but it's normal for a person seriously affected by alcohol.
It's so frustrating for us who have to live with the consequences of someone's uncontrolled drinking.
What to do?
Not much we can do! No amount of argument or quoting of examples will be accepted by the drinker.
We have to understand that one of the hardest things a drinker has to face is that they DO have a drinking problem - this is a big hurdle for them to get over, and it can take many months in AA before they can admit this.
So we have to learn to lead our lives differently, as we cannot change the mind of our drinker.
You can see what I learned in the 'HELP PAGES' over on the right.
I have been away for most of August so apologies to those who are following my blog.
God Bless.

ARE YOU FEELING ANGRY?

Is your loved one's constant drinking upsetting you and making you angry?

Maybe you were feeling frustrated after doing everything you could think of to stop the drinking, only to find you were powerless over the drinking, and then became angry?

This happens to most of us - anger is a natural response when we realise that we are suffering because of our loved one's drinking. It's not healthy for us and it doesn't help, but its what happens to us when we see our loved one sinking into a hopeless situation: not being able to control the drinking.

But it does not have to stay that way: there is a way past anger, but we have to learn some different attitudes to our drinker. He or she is feeling bad about the constant need to drink and does not know what to do about it. And it does not help if we are angry - in fact we make things worse.

If we rant at our drinker, they are likely to drink more to escape our wrath and condemnation.

Have a look at the HELP PAGES over on the right to see how I worked my way through this situation and got help when I thought all was lost.

This is for YOU.

LOVED ONE DRUNK ? WHAT DO I DO??

It took me quite a while before I accepted that my wife's drinking was out of control.  I tried everything to stop her drinking bouts but nothing worked.

Looking back now, I realise that I persevered too long before reaching out for help.

All that happened was that my wife's drinking got worse and I slowly became a nervous, angry, isolated partner.  I wish I had sought help earlier, I would not have become so screwed up.

When to seek help?

• When you find yourself frustrated, angry or resentful MOST of the time - danger signals for your health.
• When you find yourself isolating from family or friends, or refusing social contacts.
• When you can think of nothing else but his or her drinking.

If any of the above sounds familiar - have a look at the HELP PAGES over on the right hand side, and follow how I found my way back to sanity.

Best wishes for your recovery!

ACCEPTING I HAVE A PROBLEM DRINKER

Facing up to the reality that our loved one has lost control of their drinking and is becoming more and more controlled by the need to drink is one of the hardest things we have to do.

I didn't want to know about it for a while, and blamed the excessive drinking on "depression". I found it very hard to even think that my loved one was in trouble with alcohol.

Until some kind friends told me that she had a drinking problem. Then I had to face it for the first time. Even so it took quite a while before I sought help.

Then I tried everything to stop her drinking: seeking the reason for her drinking, trying to rationalise her reasons, hiding booze, pouring it down the sink, getting angry, feeling sad, lost and totally bewildered.

I had to seek the right help to understand what was going on - my General Practioner or Doctor simply said: "If she cannot stop, get out of the relationship!"

I could not do that, so I sought help elsewhere; to find out how I got help have a look through the Help Pages on the right.

I hope you find some useful information from my blog: its written just for YOU!

WHEN DO I SEEK HELP?

We, who have lived with an alcohol abuser, know this question only too well.

Maybe you've tried everything to stop your loved one drinking, and maybe its only got worse.  The only thing the drinker seems to be interested in is - "When do I have the next drink!"  You are probably starting to feel lonely - your lovely partner or child is no longer the same - when they drink they become someone else; someone you really do not like. Perhaps you feel shame, or guilt (maybe it is my fault?) or anger.

But how bad does it have to get before you seek help?

If you can relate to any of the situations in the second paragraph, and you have tried everything you can think of to stop the drinking, you are probably there - you should seek help.

One of the things we first learn is: We didn't CAUSE it, we can't CONTROL it, and we can't CURE it.

Like me, we all come to realise that we cannot cope on our own - our life has become a shambles as we try to cope with the awful effects from someone's drinking.

You're there - decide today to do something to get help. You can read what I did in the 'Help' Pages over on the right hand side.

Believe me, what you are suffering, many of us have suffered too - but there IS help available. I am sure that just by reading the 'Help' Pages you will start to feel that there is hope for a better life for YOU.

You are not alone.

FEELING FRUSTRATED?

How frustrated we feel, living with an alcohol abuser. After a while we have tried everything to get them to stop - hiding or dumping alcohol, pleading with them, venting anger at them, but nothing changes.

Frustration soon turns to anger. Sometimes we feel righteous indignation.

None of this helps the drinker. In fact, picking up our emotions directed against him or her only makes them feel bad. The solution? Have another drink and blot it out for a while.

So we continue to suffer, we too heading around into a downward spiral of angry depression.

We need a new approach - this is what I had to find out the hard way.

How I did this is discussed over in the 'Help Pages' to the right.

If you have any comments about how useful you may have found these notes, please let me know.

One last thought for this week:    YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  

 There will be thousands of people just like you around the world, feeling angry, trapped and lonely.

I want you to know there is a way forward which many of us have found.

Read on.

LOVED ONE'S DRINKING OUT OF CONTROL ??

What a shock it is to realise that our loved one cannot stop drinking!

We become tense, watching every move they  make - looking for signs of drinking.  Maybe we find out that our drinker is trying to hide their drinking - then its a cat and mouse game of 'catch me if you can!'

A giant wedge is now driven between you and your loved one.  He or she prefers - yes prefers - to drink rather than consider you or spend time with you.  You have lost your loved one to alcohol.

What a dreadful shock it is to realise this - your loved one has become a stranger to you - someone you have never seen before.

We often react by trying to stop the drinking, by all sorts of means - destroying alcohol, withholding money, pouring alcohol down the drain, venting our anger, pleading, taking revenge.

Does any of this work?

Read what I found out about living with alcoholism over on the 'HELP PAGES'  to the right.

And please let me know if any of my work helps you - I would really like to know that.