I FEEL SO ASHAMED ......

I know how it feels to be ashamed of what's going on in your home.

Ashamed about what the neighbours see or hear.

Ashamed of what the kids see or hear.

Ashamed of the awful things that happen in our home.

We all suffer this at some stage. And we try to cover it all up.  Of course we don't really succeed: people are not stupid.

So we start to isolate from friends, neighbours, our families .... because we feel so ashamed.

When I finally got to Al-Anon meetings on a regular basis, I learned that it is not ME that ought to feel ashamed. It was NOT ME doing those crazy and destructive things.

I learned too, that I did NOT CAUSE the drinking, and that I could NOT CONTROL it, nor could I CURE IT.  Only the drinker can do those things.

I MYSELF HAD NO REASON TO FEEL ASHAMED.

And in fact, by covering things up I was making it worse - BECAUSE THE DRINKER DID NOT SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS or HER ACTIONS - I made life bearable for them. They could keep drinking, because nothing was going wrong was it? I was covering it all up.

It helped to know I was not responsible for causing the drinking.

I learned to stop feeling ashamed.

I stopped covering up the mess - if something was going to happen, I let the drinker suffer it.

Nothing life threatening of course - but things like falling over dead drunk on the floor - I learned to leave her there, so she would wake up on the floor, not in our nice bed.

If shame is a problem for you, please make contact with Al-Anon - people there know about how you feel, and you will not feel so alone.