I AM NOT THE DRINKER - WHY DO I HAVE TO CHANGE???

Sometimes many of us think: Wait a minute, I'm not the drinker who is abusing alcohol and causing all my problems - so WHY  DO  I  HAVE  TO  CHANGE  MY  WAYS?  The DRINKER should STOP!!

Problem is - the drinker's mind is now being controlled by a chemical substance - alcohol - and they have lost control of their lives.  Their mind tells them that as long as they keep drinking, everything will be OK. The hurt will stop. I won't have to do things I don't want to do. The pain will go away. Whatever.

So your drinker can do nothing to help themselves at this stage.

That means, if you want things to be better - YOU have to take action. Your drinker cannot.

You have a choice:

• keep angry and contemptuous of your drinker, keep abusing them and making things worse,
  
• or try to change something IN YOUR CONTROL that will make YOUR life better

At this stage, you can do NOTHING to help the drinker to stop drinking.

But you are still in control of YOUR life situation.  You CAN take SOME  ACTION that will help yourself.

I recommend reading the HELP PAGES over on the right - there you will find out what I learned which will help to make your life more bearable.

Or you can choose to just leave your drinker.  But if you love them, you will want to stay and try to hold on to your life together, hoping that one day he or she will reach out for help and find the courage to stop drinking.