CONSEQUENCES ....

When we live with an active alcohol abuser, there are lots of consequences.

There are consequences for US: the partner, spouse, parent or friend of the drinker.

We may lose sleep, friends, social outings, money, suffer great embarrassment, feel guilt, anger, frustration, deep shame - just to name a few things we go through,  have to put up with.

This is why WE NEED HELP as I have pointed out from my experience - the HELP PAGES show how I got help to survive.

BUT ....
We often cover up the bad things that happen to our drinker - we tell lies, pay for things, clean up the mess, try to cover it all up - mostly because we are SO ASHAMED of what is happening and try to cover it up.

BUT -
Here is a strange thing:  BY US COVERING THINGS UP, THE DRINKER DOES NOT SUFFER ANY CONSEQUENCES FOR THEIR ACTIONS !!!

What is the result?  As far as the drinker is concerned, he or she is UNAWARE of the damage they are causing - BECAUSE WE ARE CLEANING UP THE  MESS THEY CREATE. So the drinker can believe that he/she is doing nothing that is hurting anyone, or themselves. What's the problem? they may ask.

One thing we have to learn is: LET THE DRINKER SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR DRINKING. If they fall down on the floor, we can leave them there. If they vomit,we can  leave them lie in it. Stop lying about why they are not at work. If they run out of money, don't pay the bills. Stop trying to save them. Let them be dragged to court.

This is TOUGH LOVE - but the drinker has to learn that they are doing damage, and the only way that can happen - they will not believe you if you try to tell them - is to have them FEEL the damage they are doing.

We do not have to be nasty to them - they will do nasty things to themselves, and have to realise that.