COPING WITH DISAPPOINTMENTS

Living with an active alcohol abuser ain't for sissies , to take a line from Mae West ("Growing Old Ain't for Sissies") and life is full of let downs, disappointments, expectations dashed, good times lost.

They say they'll stop drinking - but they don't. They agree to go on an outing, or an important event, but be drunk when the time comes and you either go alone or cancel out. You may cook a nice dinner for their birthday and ask the kids or friends around, but they're too drunk when the time comes. They say they'll be fine while your'e away for the day, but you come home to find them drunk again. They forget your birthday, and their own.

That's what it's like - it happens to all of us. But is there something we can do about it?

Well there is, but it's not easy, but I learned to handle this and so can you.

First thing:

• Accept that they have a real, awful mental disease. They are not wicked, just very, very sick.

Next:

• Accept that social things are going to be difficult for BOTH of you to attend. It's not going to happen, or if you do go out they may get dead drunk in the middle of it all.
• Accept that any plans or arrangements you make for both of you are subject to change at a moment's notice.

Finally then:

• Do not build up expectations about anything.
• That means, do not expect things to go the way you want.
• IF YOU DON'T BUILD UP EXPECTATIONS THEN YOU WILL NOT BE LET DOWN, AND HURT OR HUMILIATED - AGAIN.

Sounds defeatist? Giving up? Shouldn't I keep trying?

Think of it this way: your loved one is in the grip of this disease and has lost control of his/her thinking, most of the time. They will have no concept of what is right or wrong, good or bad, only about the next drink. At the moment they are most likely unable to change anything in their lives.

So YOU have to PROTECT yourself - and the above few tips will help you stay sane and less frustrated.

Read over some of the other posts I have made about related subjects. AND LOOK AFTER YOURSELF.